Sesame Street: Luis and Maria's Wedding or Luis is Hot

Surely I'm not the only woman in the world who realized just how hot Luis from Sesame Street was when I got older? If so, then A.) I have unique taste in men or B.) some people are lying.

The following video exhibits one of the finest examples of Luis' hotness, during his marriage to Maria. At 2:44, just pretend Luis is looking at you.

More commentary:

• Sesame Street's skyline resembles that of Oil Ocean Zone's in Sonic 2. From the rooftops, that place looks like a real dystopia.

• If it wasn't for her typical "mother of the bride" ensemble, Maria's mom could have easily passed for her sister.

• I'm sure most people reading this rolled their eyes at Elmo's appearance (Lord knows I did). However, this was ten plus years before Elmo became "The Thing That Ate Sesame Street". Back then he was a bit player and not nearly as grating.

• Poor lonely David, his woman got away and now he's sitting dateless at her wedding. Even OSCAR had Grungetta. Speaking of David, I was actually browsing a book about Sesame Street behind the scenes at Borders yesterday, and those "so-called" rumors that he died in a mental hospital weren't exactly "so called".

• Luis's exterior + Bob's voice = MY DREAM MAN

• Gina and Linda should have switched dresses. Gina's outfit screamed bridesmaid. Linda's? Not so much.

• I actually laughed out loud at Big Bird towards the end.

• If this took place nowadays, maybe Bert and Ernie would have had their own little internal monologue. Civil union? I refuse it! We should move to Massachusetts!

Magic Screen Depreciation

WARNING: THIS IS POSSIBLY THE STUPIDEST, MOST INANE POST EVER. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR BRAIN BREAKAGE.



For Christmas 2006, I received the first Pee Wee's Playhouse DVD box set. I found the show to be just as whimsical as I remembered. However, every rose has its thorn. For me, Magic Screen is the thorn on the rose that is Pee Wee's Playhouse.

My irrational hatred for Magic Screen is a recent development. I don't remember disliking her as a kid. I can only offer up a few lame explanations for why she irks me so much now.

Maybe it's the fact that I find her to be visually unappealing? Those beady eyes, metal claw hands, permanent jacked-up smile, hideous sparkly screen... ugh! What an eyesore. She's not exactly auditorally pleasing either. That whiny amplified voice sets my teeth on edge.

Ultimately, I think my main problem with Magic Screen is her pushiness. Every time I hear "Pee Wee, it's time to play with MEEEEEE!" I want to scream at the TV. Wait your damn turn, Magic Screen! Pee Wee will play with you when he's good and ready! Even Pterry's whiny ass didn't pester him that much.

Lady Elaine Fairchilde: A Tribute

Lady Elaine Fairchilde of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood fame is possibly one of the greatest characters to ever grace a children's show. Sure, she was a total bitch, appeared to have a drinking problem, and was quite possibly a drag queen, but that's what added to her awesomeness. Plus, some of her mannerisms remind me of my late grandmother (mostly when she called people "Toots").

Lady Elaine inhabited the infamous museum-go-round, which was undoubtedly the coolest residence in the Neighborhood of Make Believe. Her museum was full of jacked items, which she referred to as a "found items exhibit".

Lady Elaine was notorious for being a real shit disturber. Some of her finest moments include dissing Prince Tuesday's drawing of King Friday, making light of Daniel Striped Tiger's wussiness, convincing Prince Tuesday that his parents might abandon him, causing mischief with her Boomerang Toomerang Zoomerang, and just being generally pessimistic. If this show wasn't for kids, she totally would have made fun of Mr. McFeely's name.

While the other characters bowed down to King Friday ("correct as usual, King Friday"), Lady Elaine never put up with his crap. She didn't even call him "King Friday", he was just "Friday" to her. Fight the power, Lady Elaine!

...Wow, it just NOW dawned on me that King Friday's full name is King Friday the Thirteenth. I can't believe it took me almost 25 years to pick up on that.

Ohmigod, I so want this.

To cap this entry off, here are some verbal gems from our favorite alcoholic tranny:

"You mean you're not supposed to walk into somebody's private place and flash your flashlight around and scare them and say 'Yoo-hoo, I'm here!'"

"I have established a blanket policy at the factory: anyone who makes a mistake gets a spanking."

"My theory is that men can't dance."