Bumpers: Disney Afternoon

I guess I'll file this as a bumper...

Back before Disney became the evil conglomerate that it is today, they provided kids with quality shows that didn't involve the caterwauling of nasal-voiced teenagers. The Disney Afternoon was a staple in the TV viewing habits of kids born in the 80s.

My Disney Afternoon programs of choice included The Gummi Bears, Duck Tales, Chip 'n Dale's Rescue Rangers, Tale Spin, Goof Troop, and once in awhile, Darkwing Duck. I tried to give Bonkers a chance, but that show was absolutely abysmal. The made more than one dig at it on Animaniacs for a good reason. Plus, unlike its predecessors, it didn't have an awesome theme song. Soon after, I abandoned The Disney Afternoon, due to the line-up changes and my impending puberty.

Here's the first intro, featuring characters from the original four (The Gummi Bears, Duck Tales, Chip 'n Dale's Rescue Rangers and Tale Spin), plus Darkwing Duck, whose show was in the works at the time:



Here's another version, with the addition of characters from Darkwing Duck, Goofy, Max, and (ugh) Bonkers:



There was apparently a soundtrack that was sold in stores (I'm going to have to scavenge the local used record stores now). Here's the full version of the Disney Afternoon theme. You gotta love the jazzy flute solo:

Tiny Toons Meets Ninja Turtles

Don't let this post's title mislead you. This isn't some obscure cartoon crossover special. This is a hilarious and accurate parody of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as seen on Tiny Toon Adventures. Don't you just love it when early 90s phenomena collide?

The whole segment isn't available on Youtube, but here's the theme song, which is definitely the funniest part of the episode. Sit back, relax, and enjoy "Immature Radioactive Samurai Slugs".

Fruity Pebbles Christmas Commercial

For my second cereal-related Christmas commercials post, here's an old standby that aired for several years. I'm pretty sure I was still seeing it on TV when I was well into my teens. Yes, I'm referring to the Fruity Pebbles holiday commercial.

Barney must be even more desperate for Fruity Pebbles than that rabbit is for Trix (I don't understand why. In my opinion, Cocoa Pebbles is the superior cereal of the Pebbles variety). The guy was willing to go out in the snow with no pants or shoes on, for God's sake.

Commercials: Trix, Christmas Style

Here's a Trix commercial from the early 90s that I'm pretty sure continued to air for a few years after that. Back then there were only five flavors (I think that lime was a fairly recent addition when this commercial aired) and they were all just round, instead of fruit-shaped (interesting factoid: Trix is short for "Tropical Kix").

That damn rabbit couldn't even catch a break on Christmas. Hell, even Fred Flintstone was willing to share his Fruity Pebbles during the holidays.

That blonde girl in the commercial looks like she stepped off the set of The Bloodening Village of the Damned.

Commercial: Milton Bradley Travel Games

I remember when this commercial first aired in the early 90s. It features Santa trying to get his reindeer to pass him some travel-sized games to put in the stockings, only they're too busy enjoying the gifts themselves to pay him any mind.

Maybe it's just me, but even travel-sized games seemed a little extravagant for stocking stuffers (at least the brand-name ones, like Milton Bradley). Then again, my stocking stuffers were always dollar store fare. In my family, our stockings were mostly filled with candy, those candy cane shaped pens that barely wrote, and once in awhile a box of crayons and a coloring book. The real presents were under the tree.

7 UP Holiday Commercials

Remember Spot? The former mascot of 7UP? Sometime in the late 80s, that little red ball on the logo was anthropomorphized and his popularity exploded. He even had a few of his own video games (then again, what anthropomorphized character DIDN'T have its own video game during that era?).

I'm not sure why 7UP dropped the Spot campaign. Then again, this is what they had to say in the FAQs section of their official website (by the way, 7UP is both Kosher and gluten-free, in case you were wondering):

Q: Are you targeting 7UP to adults or children?

A: 7UP is targeted to adults 25-49 who want a great tasting carbonated soft drink without artificial flavors are preservatives.

Hmm, does this mean that I've only been old enough to drink 7UP for less than 2 months?

Spot was featured in many commercials, but the Christmas-themed ones are the most memorable. This one from the late 80s is beyond cute. The music is pretty good too:



Here's one from the early 90s, featuring the now defunct slogan "The Uncola". Not as whimsical as the other one, but cute nonetheless:

McDonald's Ice Skating Holiday Commercial

Throughout the 80s and early 90s, McDonalds would always air this commercial around Christmas. It featured Ronald McDonald ice skating, while animated forest creatures looked on. He engages in a game of "Crack the Whip" with a bunch of kids - save for the smallest of them all who is left behind. Kid looks sad, Ronald notices, picks him up and spins him around, and the other kids finally acknowledge his existence. Hey, Ronald noticed him, so he must be worthy of their attention, right?

Here's the commercial. Animation and music-wise, this ad was pretty high-quality.



Later on, they replaced the audio track in the commercial. I think I might actually like this music better:

The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog

This entry is different from the usual, because I didn't actually watch this when it aired. However, this show is from the early 90s, so it's not exactly off-topic. I discovered the awesomeness of The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog through my younger brothers, who watched the reruns on USA during the later half of the 90s, after new episodes were no longer being produced.

The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog was yet another cartoon series based on a popular video game. I've always had a soft spot for the old school Sonic games, so I don't know why I originally missed this.

This show was a low-budget crapfest... and that's what made it so great. It was oozing with campiness. Examples:

The animation was mediocre at best. Also, the colorist should have been fired.

The storylines were extremely slapstick and beyond corny.

This show gave the New Kids on the Block cartoon serious competition for the Worst Sound Effects in Animation Award.

Catch-phrase after catch-phrase ("Let's speed, keed!", "Gotta blow, Joe!")

The music was absolutely horrid, especially the cheesy rendition of In the Hall of the Mountain King that was sprinkled throughout the soundtrack.

Sonic was voiced by Mr. Steven Q. Urkel.

What late 80s/early 90s show would be complete without a PSA at the end ("Sonic Sez Says")?

Interestingly, another Sonic cartoon aired on ABC at the same time. I got the series on DVD for my brother last Christmas, and I have to say, it was a damn good show, animation, plot, and music-wise. Unlike The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, this one obviously had a budget of more than 60 dollars.

Here's one of the cheesier episodes that I remember. I friggin' love Scratch.

Here's the opening, which was cut out of the video I posted:



Finally, heres a bonus "Sonic Sez". Sonic says that sexual harassment is NO GOOD. I love how they use that cheesy version of In the Hall of the Mountain King in the background. At least they didn't show Robotnik chasing Tails while Sonic was talking.

Bumper: Nickelodeon - What Time Is It?

If you thought that "Wacky Wild Kool-Aid Style" commercial I blogged about was a trip, you ain't seen nothing yet. This Nickelodeon bumper from 1990 is an amalgamation of various animated bumpers (yes, there are actually bumpers WITHIN bumpers in this one) and clips from Nick shows. It's a chaotic mess... and I love it. It definitely embodies the awesomeness that was once Nickelodeon.

Muppet Babies

Insomnia sucks. I can't believe I'm blogging about Muppet Babies at six in the morning.

Muppet Babies kicked off the "babyification" craze of popular cartoon characters that was so prevalent in the 80s and early 90s. Just think, if this show never existed, we never would have seen such gems as A Pup Named Scooby Doo, The Flintstone Kids, Tom and Jerry Kids, and Yo Yogi! (I don't group Tiny Toon Adventures with these shows, because it featured a completely different group of characters instead of the originals as kids, plus, Tiny Toons was actually a good show, unlike the four mentioned above). While most of these "babyfied" shows are pretty forgettable, Muppet Babies obviously did something right, because it ran from 1984 to 1990 (plus, several characters made cameos in Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue).

From a grown-up point of view, Muppet Babies isn't half bad. It lacks the more adult humor of Animaniacs or Tiny Toons and doesn't deliver quite as many laughs (and the voices are MUCH more grating), but there are still a number of references and parodies that adults will find amusing.

There is one thing that bugs me about the show as an adult: the addition of Skeeter, Scooter's twin sister. Skeeter was never an original Muppet, but the writers obviously wanted another female character. I HATE it when shows add token female characters (I'm looking at you, Smurfette). It's not like Miss Piggy was the only original female Muppet. Couldn't they have just used Janice or Camilla (who actually appeared as Gonzo's stuffed toy)? And if they insisted on creating a token female, they could have at least made her less annoying. Skeeter sucked.

I was well aware that June Cleaver moonlighted as the Muppet Babies' nanny. However, I didn't know that Mr. Deal or No Deal himself provided a few voices (although now that I think about it, Skeeter sounded exactly like Bobby Generic).

Today's post features the very first episode, in which a member of the popo moves in next door to the Muppet Babies (I included an extra clip of the theme song, since it was cut out of the video I posted). If this particular one doesn't tickle your fancy, there are many more on Youtube.

Commercial: Fruit Wrinkles

What ever happened to Fruit Wrinkles? Those were the best fruit snacks ever. I definitely preferred them over Fruit Roll Ups. One day, they just up and disappeared, along with Jell-O Pudding Pops.

Here's a cute claymation ad that I vaguely remember. The quality is pretty good, especially for a commercial. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if it's from the 80s or 90s, so I guess I'll tag it as both.

PSA: The Incredible Edible Egg

Wow, it's been awhile since my last post. I've been tapped out lately.

I always thought those "Incredible Edible Egg" ads that aired in the 80s and early 90s. were pretty random. I didn't understand why such a fuss was being made over eggs. Some of these commercials even made it look like they were promoting a product called "The Incredible Edible Egg". It turns out that due to concerns about cholesterol levels, egg consumption had steadily fallen since the late 60s. The American Egg Board was determined to clear their name, hence the abundance of these ads.

This commercial from the early 90s features a crudely drawn kid who insists that "eggs are TEH AWESOME!!11!!".

DTV

In the late 80s, NBC aired DTV, a series of specials featuring "music videos" of Disney cartoons set to popular music. It was also used as filler material on the Disney Channel, back when there were no commercials or music videos by talentless pre-pubescent brats. Man, times have changed. It's truly disheartening that kids today would rather see Billy Ray's meal ticket Hannah Montana's horse face, instead of Mickey and Goofy.

Just think, if DTV never existed, Youtube would save TONS of bandwidth on those annoying AMVs that plague the site.

The clips I'm posting are from "DTV Doggone Valentine". My dad actually taped this episode for me when it first aired (in 1987!) and I continued to watch it for years. I never did find out what happened to that tape.

This first video features "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" by Wham!, "You're the One That I Want" from Grease, and "I Only Have Eyes for You" by The Flamingos.



Since I don't want to post all six parts in one entry, I'm jumping to the end. This one features "Lets Hear it for the Boy" by Denice Williams and "Stay" by Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs.

Commercials: Burger King Kids Club

Until 1990, Ronald McDonald and the gang dominated the kid-friendly fast food commercial racket. However, that changed when some new mascots emerged: The Burger King Kids Club Gang.

This group of kids was even more PC than Captain Planet's Planeteers. Burger King was determined to cover every demographic. Here's a rundown:

Boomer, the tomboy: The jock of the group, who always wielded a hockey stick and never took off her roller blades. I could make a joke about her eventually replacing her blades with Birkenstocks, but she seemed pretty enamored with Lingo in one of the commercials I posted...

I.Q., the stereotypical nerd: Pocket protector? Check. Glasses? Check. Wild hair? Check. Huge vocabulary? Check.

Jaws, the token black guy: His shtick was his incredible appetite. His only other memorable quality was his hightop fade.

Lingo, the token ethnic kid: Wow, that name isn't exactly PC. Anyhoo, Lingo was probably the most three-dimensional of the Kids Club gang. He was a bilingual (English and Spanish) artist. I had a slight crush on him back in the day.

Wheels, the token disabled kid: Yet another hilariously unfortunate naming choice. This kid had one pimp wheelchair. He probably tricked it out himself, considering that he was the mechanically inclined member of the gang.

Snaps, the "hot" girl: Blonde, of course. Other than her interest in photography, she exhibited absolutely no personality.

Kid Vid, the "cool" kid/leader of the pack: Most likely the Zack Morris of the group. Was into video games and techie stuff. Eventually he was the lone member of the Kids Club Gang to be used in the commercials.

J.D., the animal mascot: Um... he was a dog.

According to Wikipedia, Token Ethnic Kid #2 was added in the early 2000s: Jazz, an Asian musician (trumpet seems to be her instrument of choice). I had no idea that the The Kids Club Gang still existed at that point, but it's apparently still going strong in the Middle East.

I just realized that there's one missing demographic: the token fat kid. However, from a business standpoint, the omission of such a character is understandable.

The early commercials were pretty high quality, both animation-wise and music-wise. Here's a sampling:



You thought that one was good? This one was featured on the promotional Ninja Turtles VHS movies that came with the kids meals:



And finally, to make up for the lack of my beloved Lingo in the last video, here's his debut:

Bumpers: USA Cartoon Express

Believe it or not, there was actually a time when the USA network showed something besides Law and Order reruns. Once upon a time, there was a block known as Cartoon Express. I spent many Sunday mornings watching old Hanna-Barbera cartoons (though I usually ignored the weekday afternoon block). Cartoon Express produced possibly some of the best bumpers ever.

Here's a bumper featuring Slimer from The Real Ghostbusters:



Here's one featuring a bunch of Hanna-Barbera characters:

Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!

If you're expecting an entry about the movie, then you've come to the wrong place. I'm focusing on the awesome cartoon series.

This is one of those cartoons that I still appreciate the sheer brilliance of as an adult. The music and animation were incredible, not to mention all of the puns and parodies. Example: Beetlejuice's skeleton friend is named Jaques LaLean, a reference I certainly didn't pick up on as a kid.

Plus, you gotta love Lydia, one of the first whiney Goth cartoon characters.

When I was in second grade, some kid actually claimed that he stopped brushing his teeth because he wanted to be like Beetlejuice. I don't know if he was joking or not, but thinking back, his teeth were pretty disgrossting looking for awhile.

I truly believe that if it wasn't for this show, there would be no Nicktoons today. Beetlejuice was probably one of the first animated series to bring gross-out humor to mainstream kids' cartoons.

Here's the intro, complete with FOX Kids bump (interestingly, the show actually aired simultaneously on two networks, FOX during the week and ABC on Saturday morning):



Lydia summons Beetlejuice:



A short little ditty (let me just say that I don't think that Lydia's voice actress was ever up for any Tony awards):



Beetlejuice certainly doesn't have an Oedipus complex:

Denver, the Last Dinosaur

In the late 80s, kids seemed to go dinosaur-crazy. It most likely started with the first Land Before Time movie. Soon, the small screen decided to capitalize on this fad with the introduction of Denver, the Last Dinosaur.

To refresh your memory, here's a summary of the show, courtesy of Wikipedia: The show revolved around the adventures that Denver, a dinosaur who was released from his dino egg by a group of multiracial modern California teens—Jeremy, Mario, Shades, Wally and Casey, along with tagalong little sister Heather. The kids taught Denver the finer points of skateboarding and other Generation X pastimes while protecting him from concert promoter Morton Fizzback. The unscrupulous concert promoter was looking to cash in on Denver’s status to make a quick buck, but the kids were always one step ahead.

This show was typical of late 80s cartoons. Skateboarding, surfer dudes in shades, electric guitars, and if I remember correctly, one of the characters sported one of those horrid "box" haircuts. That's about all I remember about it, other than the theme song.

"Denver the last dinosaur, he's my friend and a whole lot more." ...Yeah, getting my mind out of the gutter now.

Unfortunately, there are virtually NO videos online, other than the theme song. Here's the opening. Very catchy. I'll be singing this all day.



And the closing credits (same song, but with still images from the episodes):

Bumpers: ABC Saturday Morning

The quality and quantity of Saturday morning cartoons has pretty much gone to hell. I wonder if the networks even do those "after these brief messages we'll be right back" bumpers anymore?

Somebody on Youtube managed to capture most of the claymation bumpers that aired on ABC in the late 80s and early 90s. My favorite was always the one in which the three singers switch heads. Enjoy!

New Kids on the Block: The Cartoon

I have a humiliating confession to make.

I was a HUGE New Kids on the Block fan.

Granted, I first got into them when I was in kindergarten and my obsession ended sometime in the second grade, but I'm still haunted by the memories to this day.

How big of a fan was I? Big enough to loyally watch their Saturday morning cartoon every week.

Even back then, I knew this cartoon was absolutely atrocious, but I was determined to be loyal to my beloved New Kids. I mostly watched for the interviews with the group at the beginning and the concert footage they showed at the end of each episode. I was beyond pissed when I learned that the guys didn't provide their own voices for their animated counterparts. And boy did the voice actors play up the Boston accents.

There are so many cheesetastic things about this cartoon that I don't know where to begin:

Of course, they just had to make Jon's dog into a damn animal sidekick. I'm just glad that he didn't talk. He probably would have had an exaggerated Boston accent too: "Lookit the fiah hydrant onnah cawnnah!"

Catch phrases ("Posse up!")

Disguises out the wazoo

Musical montages and more musical montages

Chase scenes

These horribly tacky borders would sporadically pop up and surround the screen. Worst visual effect ever.

The sound effects! They buuuuurn!

Here's a full episode, broken into three parts. Oh, and if you manage to make it to the end, you might notice that the ending credits ("Step by Step") sound uncannily similar to a certain other cartoon's closing theme song (EDIT: the first video I posted had the entire credits, but it was removed and this one only has a couple of seconds of it. If you want a more in-depth comparison, here's the original version of "Step by Step"). Hmm, I wonder which came first?

Sesame Street: Plants Need Water

When I watched Sesame Street, I'm willing to bet that at least half of the segments they showed were made before I was born (it sucks that they seem to have abandoned that trend, huh?). Case in point: this little animation from the 70s. Possibly the most unintentionally (or maybe it was intentional) funny clip ever. I'm sure that wasn't the only plant those kids were growing.