Thursday, July 10, 2008
Lady Elaine Fairchilde: A Tribute
Lady Elaine Fairchilde of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood fame is possibly one of the greatest characters to ever grace a children's show. Sure, she was a total bitch, appeared to have a drinking problem, and was quite possibly a drag queen, but that's what added to her awesomeness. Plus, some of her mannerisms remind me of my late grandmother (mostly when she called people "Toots").
Lady Elaine inhabited the infamous museum-go-round, which was undoubtedly the coolest residence in the Neighborhood of Make Believe. Her museum was full of jacked items, which she referred to as a "found items exhibit".
Lady Elaine was notorious for being a real shit disturber. Some of her finest moments include dissing Prince Tuesday's drawing of King Friday, making light of Daniel Striped Tiger's wussiness, convincing Prince Tuesday that his parents might abandon him, causing mischief with her Boomerang Toomerang Zoomerang, and just being generally pessimistic. If this show wasn't for kids, she totally would have made fun of Mr. McFeely's name.
While the other characters bowed down to King Friday ("correct as usual, King Friday"), Lady Elaine never put up with his crap. She didn't even call him "King Friday", he was just "Friday" to her. Fight the power, Lady Elaine!
...Wow, it just NOW dawned on me that King Friday's full name is King Friday the Thirteenth. I can't believe it took me almost 25 years to pick up on that.
Ohmigod, I so want this.
To cap this entry off, here are some verbal gems from our favorite alcoholic tranny:
"You mean you're not supposed to walk into somebody's private place and flash your flashlight around and scare them and say 'Yoo-hoo, I'm here!'"
"I have established a blanket policy at the factory: anyone who makes a mistake gets a spanking."
"My theory is that men can't dance."