Pee Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special

This is probably one of the most insane Christmas specials ever made - not surprising, since it's Pee Wee's Playhouse. This was so campy that John Waters would be jealous. Just look at this list of guest stars:

• Whoopi Goldberg
• Magic Johnson
• Grace Jones
• Frankie and Annette
• Cher
• Joan Rivers
• The Del Rubio Triplets
• Little Richard
• K.D. Lang
• Zsa Zsa Freakin' Gabor
• Oprah, before she became the self-serving, name-dropping bitch that she is today
• Dinah Shore
• Charo

I'm surprised they don't air this on the Logo network. It's rife with gay icons.

This special managed to reach out to most of the demographics: they covered both the secular and religious aspects of Christmas and Hanukkah. Nobody can possibly be offended except for any uptight parents watching this after 1991.

On to the commentary:

• When the director told those guys in the choir to look as serious as possible, they took it to the extreme. Some of them look like they're singing at a funeral.

• I wish those two drag queens back-up singers would have made more appearances on the show.

• "What would you put on my Christmas list if you were me?" I don't know, maybe a huge supply of porn, so you can spank it in the comfort of the playhouse, instead of whipping it out in public and getting your show pulled (no pun intended)? Sorry, still bitter over here.

• Heh, I KNEW Chairry had a crush on Ms. Yvonne.

• GAH! Shut UP, Magic Screen! Nobody wants to kiss you! Sorry, I've already professed my hatred for Magic Screen, so I'll stop here.

• Florry totally wants to peek under Ms. Yvonne's dress.

• "I hope it's not a fruitcake." Don't worry Pee Wee, Little Richard will be over later.

• Grace Jones appears to be wearing the same prosthetic boobs that Marilyn Manson is wearing on the cover of Mechanical Animals.

• Thank God Cher didn't sing.

• I wonder how many kids actually heeded Pee Wee's advice and used coconut shavings to make snow angels. I'm sure at least one dumb kid tried to pull that crap.

• I wonder how Little Richard felt about Morpheus Cowboy Curtis usurping his hair-do.

• Please stick to chest register, K.D. Lang.

• I think Penny either forgot her Ritalin or had a little too much sugar.

• Charo was totally rocking a crimp.

• Why didn't Joan Rivers, Dinah Shore, and Whoopi Goldberg join Ms. Renee in singing the dreidel song?

• They had MAGIC SCREEN narrate the story of the nativity? Seriously? Couldn't they have used a character with a less grating voice?

• Damn, I wish those workers would add a wing to my house.

• If Pee Wee gets no presents, is it really a huge loss? He DOES have Jambi.

• Looks like your wish has yet to come true, Pee Wee.
  
  Here's part one. The rest are in the uploader's profile.
  
  

Christmas Eve on Sesame Street

Throughout my childhood, PBS ran 1978's Christmas Eve on Sesame Street ad nauseam throughout the month of December - and I was determined to catch every single airing. Alas, PBS has retired this special, in favor of some crappy one featuring The Monster That Ruined Sesame Street Elmo. I've been holding out hope for several years that they'll pull this out of the vault, but no such luck. Thank God for Youtube.

And now for some commentary:

• I will always and forever associate Jose Feliciano's "Feliz Navidad" with this special.

• Damn, it couldn't have been easy to skate around in that Big Bird costume. Big Bird (and his costume) is 8'2"!

• Oscar would NEVER say that Santa is "built like a dump truck" in the overly PC Sesame Street of today. Obesity is a growing epidemic, ya know.

• Olivia! Why did you have to leave? Sorry, but Big Bird > Jackee any day.

• Ah, Bob. Your singing voice makes me melt (shut up, you know it makes you melt too).

• Luis who? Back in those days, Maria and David were an item.

• Hee! I love how the subway drowned out Oscar's scathing remarks to Big Bird. It totally gave the illusion of profanity.

• Bert and Ernie sure are crappy gifters. Oh well, it's the thought that counts.

• I would love to know where the kids Grover and Kermit interviewed are now.

• This special was one of the only times I was exposed to Mr. Hooper. The actor who portrayed him died in 1982 (and the episode that addressed his death aired when I was approximately 27 days old)

• Ah what Christmas special would be complete without a Gift of the Magi (or A Christmas Carol or It's a Wonderful Life) parody?

• Prune cookies? Jeez Cookie Monster, you're already bulimic. Are you looking for a new way to purge?

• Why are you bitching, Big Bird? You don't HAVE a chimney. You'll get your damn presents.

• Heh, I almost forgot that Cookie Monster was saying "Cowabunga!" long before Michelangelo.

• "I'll tell him where to put his toys." Pretty raunchy line for Sesame Street.

• "Oh Ernie, what a great, superb packing job." I'M NOT TOUCHING THAT ONE!

• Out of all the Christmas songs for Bert and Ernie to sing, they WOULD pick the one that includes the line "make the Yuletide gay" (sorry, couldn't resist).

• Don't you have parents or some kind of guardian, Patty?

• A half-frozen Big Bird, coupled with that SNORING was one of the most frightening images ever to three-year old me.

• "I think my giblets are frozen." Holy innuendo, Batman! At least to my one-track mind.

• So Patty DOES have a mom! Maybe she had a little too much eggnog that night?

• Oscar's last line, followed by Big Bird's silent sputtering = best ending ever.

Here's part 1. I'm not about to embed all seven parts, so for the rest, just click the uploader's name.

DTV

In the late 80s, NBC aired DTV, a series of specials featuring "music videos" of Disney cartoons set to popular music. It was also used as filler material on the Disney Channel, back when there were no commercials or music videos by talentless pre-pubescent brats. Man, times have changed. It's truly disheartening that kids today would rather see Billy Ray's meal ticket Hannah Montana's horse face, instead of Mickey and Goofy.

Just think, if DTV never existed, Youtube would save TONS of bandwidth on those annoying AMVs that plague the site.

The clips I'm posting are from "DTV Doggone Valentine". My dad actually taped this episode for me when it first aired (in 1987!) and I continued to watch it for years. I never did find out what happened to that tape.

This first video features "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" by Wham!, "You're the One That I Want" from Grease, and "I Only Have Eyes for You" by The Flamingos.



Since I don't want to post all six parts in one entry, I'm jumping to the end. This one features "Lets Hear it for the Boy" by Denice Williams and "Stay" by Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs.

Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue!

For my first official post, I bring you nostalgic GOLD.

Remember Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue? That was a kid's dream TV special. Where else could you see such an epic cartoon crossover? Twenty characters from ten different shows were featured, including:

ALF (ALF: The Animated Series)
Alvin, Simon, and Theodore (Alvin and the Chipmunks)
Huey, Dewey, and Louie (Duck Tales)
Garfield
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck
Baby Kermit, Baby Piggy, and Baby Gonzo (Muppet Babies)
Slimer (Real Ghostbusters)
Papa Smurf, Brainy Smurf, and Hefty Smurf
Michelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Winnie the Pooh and Tigger

If you need a refresher, here's a summary, courtesy of Voice Chasers: "Nine year old Corey is very worried about her older brother, Michael. He is using drugs and he just stole her piggy bank to buy some more. Luckily, Corey has help. TV's most popular cartoon characters, including Winnie the Pooh, Bugs Bunny, Alf, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and a host of other animated all-stars, leap into action to help free her brother from the clutches of "Smoke," a deceptive and corrupting character who's leading Michael down the road to a drug-abuse dead end."

Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue VHS: $29.99
Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue poster: $9.99
Hearing Winnie the Pooh and the Muppet Babies talk about crack: priceless

Here's the episode in its entirety, sans the Ronald McDonald house ad and Daddy Bush's intro (if you want to see that part, go here). Enjoy!