When I was a kid, I absolutely hated baby dolls for some reason. I used to wonder if this had anything to do with the jealousy I experienced upon the arrival of my little brother when I was three and a half, but there's a picture of me on Christmas morning opening a baby doll with a horrified expression on my face, and I was still an only child at that point (my mom was actually about three months pregnant when that picture was taken, but my jealousy didn't surface until my brother arrived home from the hospital). I like real babies, so I guess my aversion to baby dolls will remain an enigma.
Needless to say, I absolutely despised the Baby Shivers commercial. Even at eight years old, the jingle made me want to puke. The doll also creeped me out, and it wasn't only because it looked like this:
The idea of a shivering doll was just unsettling to me back then. It actually still is, when I think about babies that shiver uncontrollably in real life. Baby Shivers? More like Baby Crack Withdrawal.
As if this doll wasn't creepy enough, you apparently had to remove its head in order to replace the batteries.
Here's the only Baby Shivers commercial I was able to find. It's part of a compilation of commercials the uploader posted, so to get straight to Baby Shivers, click here.
In honor of the demise of Circuit City, here are a couple of their commercials from the early 90s, featuring that catchy jingle.
There are two commercials in this video. The first one is probably the most famous one (and up until now I had completely forgotten about it). It features a kid getting the difference back from the hideous yellow Walkman he bought after seeing an ad in the paper that advertised it for less than what he paid for. Nice effort Circuit City, but this ploy must not have provided enough sustenance to help you survive a recession.
The second commercial is simply an extended version of the jingle.
For my second cereal-related Christmas commercials post, here's an old standby that aired for several years. I'm pretty sure I was still seeing it on TV when I was well into my teens. Yes, I'm referring to the Fruity Pebbles holiday commercial.
Barney must be even more desperate for Fruity Pebbles than that rabbit is for Trix (I don't understand why. In my opinion, Cocoa Pebbles is the superior cereal of the Pebbles variety). The guy was willing to go out in the snow with no pants or shoes on, for God's sake.
Here's a Trix commercial from the early 90s that I'm pretty sure continued to air for a few years after that. Back then there were only five flavors (I think that lime was a fairly recent addition when this commercial aired) and they were all just round, instead of fruit-shaped (interesting factoid: Trix is short for "Tropical Kix").
I remember when this commercial first aired in the early 90s. It features Santa trying to get his reindeer to pass him some travel-sized games to put in the stockings, only they're too busy enjoying the gifts themselves to pay him any mind.
Maybe it's just me, but even travel-sized games seemed a little extravagant for stocking stuffers (at least the brand-name ones, like Milton Bradley). Then again, my stocking stuffers were always dollar store fare. In my family, our stockings were mostly filled with candy, those candy cane shaped pens that barely wrote, and once in awhile a box of crayons and a coloring book. The real presents were under the tree.
I'm not sure why 7UP dropped the Spot campaign. Then again, this is what they had to say in the FAQs section of their official website (by the way, 7UP is both Kosher and gluten-free, in case you were wondering):
Q: Are you targeting 7UP to adults or children?
A: 7UP is targeted to adults 25-49 who want a great tasting carbonated soft drink without artificial flavors are preservatives.
Hmm, does this mean that I've only been old enough to drink 7UP for less than 2 months?
Spot was featured in many commercials, but the Christmas-themed ones are the most memorable. This one from the late 80s is beyond cute. The music is pretty good too:
Here's one from the early 90s, featuring the now defunct slogan "The Uncola". Not as whimsical as the other one, but cute nonetheless:
Throughout the 80s and early 90s, McDonalds would always air this commercial around Christmas. It featured Ronald McDonald ice skating, while animated forest creatures looked on. He engages in a game of "Crack the Whip" with a bunch of kids - save for the smallest of them all who is left behind. Kid looks sad, Ronald notices, picks him up and spins him around, and the other kids finally acknowledge his existence. Hey, Ronald noticed him, so he must be worthy of their attention, right?
Here's the commercial. Animation and music-wise, this ad was pretty high-quality.
Later on, they replaced the audio track in the commercial. I think I might actually like this music better:
If you don't remember Lifecall (now called Life Alert), chances are you will after you read this next sentence:
"I've fallen and I can't get up!"
It's unfortunate that a commercial that addresses a serious problem among the elderly is so unintentionally hilarious. I'm sure Lifecall didn't intend for this ad to become one of the biggest punchlines of the 90s. Oh well, at least it put them on the map. Mrs. Fletcher will live on forever!
Here's a remarkably high-quality version of the commercial in all its glory:
Today marks my last entry as a 24-year old. Tomorrow's the big 2-5!
This is my second Happy Meal entry, with a Halloween theme in honor of the season. As in the last post, I'm writing about the toys I actually owned as a child.
This first commercial features the late, great McNuggets, all dressed up for Halloween and making horrible "mummy/mommy" puns. The toys featured in that year's (1989) Happy Meal were the McDonalds Zoo Face disguises. These "disguises" consisted of an animal snout and face paint. I had the toucan's beak. The elastic hurt my face, but I really liked how the inside of the beak smelled. Either my memory is fuzzy or I got gypped, because I certainly don't remember getting any face paint.
This next one features the Halloween Happy Meal Pails (and the now MIA Birdie, Grimace, and Hamburglar). I had the pumpkin, but I stuck to my pillowcase for trick or treating. Those buckets couldn't hold crap.
If you thought that "Wacky Wild Kool-Aid Style" commercial I blogged about was a trip, you ain't seen nothing yet. This Nickelodeon bumper from 1990 is an amalgamation of various animated bumpers (yes, there are actually bumpers WITHIN bumpers in this one) and clips from Nick shows. It's a chaotic mess... and I love it. It definitely embodies the awesomeness that was once Nickelodeon.
Tonight's episode of Family Guy inspired this entry.
Kool-Aid has a looong history of advertising campaigns, some more memorable than others. As usual, I'll be focusing on the ads from the late 80s and early 90s. If you're looking for the more classic commercials, you're at the wrong place. I'm one month and three weeks shy of my 25th birthday, those were before my time.
One of the ad campaigns from my childhood was "Wild and Wacky". The following commercial is a trip. It looks like a film student's first project. It embodies the cheese of the late 80s and early 90s. Kool-Aid Man busts through the wall in a pair of pink leopard print pants and a blond wig that resembles fiberglass insulation.
Here's a low-quality commercial of my absolute favorite flavor ever: Sharkleberry Fin. Fintastic!
Ah, Dizzy Dizzy Dinosaur. Yet another result of the late 80s dinosaur craze. I hounded and hounded my parents for that damn game. They eventually gave in and bought it for me. I don't exactly remember what made my parents crack. It wasn't my birthday or Christmas. I think I might have done something to earn it. Either that or my parents got sick of my whining.
I played that game a total of one time. I never really had anyone to play it with. My parents didn't have the patience to play for too long, Brother #1 was still too young to have enough of an attention span for board games, Brother #2 was taking up residence in my mother's womb, and needless to say, Brother #3 had yet to make his debut into the world. I ultimately discarded most of the game and played with the dinosaur by itself. I don't even remember the game's objective.
Here's the commercial in all of its glory. I first saw it circa 1989 and it continued to air until about '92. I remember that catchy jingle like it was yesterday. That's probably what drew me in to begin with. But DAMN, that kid's voice is grating.
What ever happened to Fruit Wrinkles? Those were the best fruit snacks ever. I definitely preferred them over Fruit Roll Ups. One day, they just up and disappeared, along with Jell-O Pudding Pops.
Here's a cute claymation ad that I vaguely remember. The quality is pretty good, especially for a commercial. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if it's from the 80s or 90s, so I guess I'll tag it as both.
Before Chuck E. Cheese ditched his bow tie and went all EXTREME TO THE MAX in the mid 90s, his establishment was known as Showbiz Pizza. The restaurant's basic concept might not have changed much (except for the fact that Chuck is apparently the sole animatronic left. Boo!), but the quality of their commercials has spiraled downward. They just don't have the charm that they used to. Plus in my humble opinion, "Showbiz Pizza: where a kid can be a kid" has a MUCH better ring to it than "Chuck E. Cheese's: where a kid can be a kid".
In this first commercial, a kid laments the fact that his big brother and pals are better than him at basketball. However, upon arriving at Showbiz, he kicks Big Bro's ass at Hoop Shots™, Skee-Ball, and Whack a Mole. That's pretty unrealistic if you ask me. Sorry kids, but in real life the bigger kids most likely have the upper hand at these games too (the first two, anyway).
In the next one, a pseudo badass kid claims that HE calls the shots when it comes to his family's choice of pizza restaurants. I guess Mom and Dad wouldn't spring for a leather jacket, so kiddo had to look "rebellious" in a denim one.
On a final note, am I the only one who thought that the ball pits in those commercials were completely misleading? They were never that big or deep. I don't even think that the Showbiz Pizza I went to had a slide until I was too big for the ball pit.
Wow, it's been awhile since my last post. I've been tapped out lately.
I always thought those "Incredible Edible Egg" ads that aired in the 80s and early 90s. were pretty random. I didn't understand why such a fuss was being made over eggs. Some of these commercials even made it look like they were promoting a product called "The Incredible Edible Egg". It turns out that due to concerns about cholesterol levels, egg consumption had steadily fallen since the late 60s. The American Egg Board was determined to clear their name, hence the abundance of these ads.
This commercial from the early 90s features a crudely drawn kid who insists that "eggs are TEH AWESOME!!11!!".
Until 1990, Ronald McDonald and the gang dominated the kid-friendly fast food commercial racket. However, that changed when some new mascots emerged: The Burger King Kids Club Gang.
This group of kids was even more PC than Captain Planet's Planeteers. Burger King was determined to cover every demographic. Here's a rundown:
Boomer, the tomboy: The jock of the group, who always wielded a hockey stick and never took off her roller blades. I could make a joke about her eventually replacing her blades with Birkenstocks, but she seemed pretty enamored with Lingo in one of the commercials I posted...
Jaws, the token black guy: His shtick was his incredible appetite. His only other memorable quality was his hightop fade.
Lingo, the token ethnic kid: Wow, that name isn't exactly PC. Anyhoo, Lingo was probably the most three-dimensional of the Kids Club gang. He was a bilingual (English and Spanish) artist. I had a slight crush on him back in the day.
Wheels, the token disabled kid: Yet another hilariously unfortunate naming choice. This kid had one pimp wheelchair. He probably tricked it out himself, considering that he was the mechanically inclined member of the gang.
Snaps, the "hot" girl: Blonde, of course. Other than her interest in photography, she exhibited absolutely no personality.
Kid Vid, the "cool" kid/leader of the pack: Most likely the Zack Morris of the group. Was into video games and techie stuff. Eventually he was the lone member of the Kids Club Gang to be used in the commercials.
J.D., the animal mascot: Um... he was a dog.
According to Wikipedia, Token Ethnic Kid #2 was added in the early 2000s: Jazz, an Asian musician (trumpet seems to be her instrument of choice). I had no idea that the The Kids Club Gang still existed at that point, but it's apparently still going strong in the Middle East.
I just realized that there's one missing demographic: the token fat kid. However, from a business standpoint, the omission of such a character is understandable.
The early commercials were pretty high quality, both animation-wise and music-wise. Here's a sampling:
You thought that one was good? This one was featured on the promotional Ninja Turtles VHS movies that came with the kids meals:
And finally, to make up for the lack of my beloved Lingo in the last video, here's his debut:
In the late 80s and early 90s there seemed to be an ongoing trend in many commercials: a group of kids are being bored to death by a stodgy old fuddy-duddy, then one of them breaks out some sugary snack and suddenly, it's party central.
This commercial for Sprinkled Chips Ahoy (do they even make those anymore?) is a classic example. You gotta love the generic rock music and hideous 1990 ensembles these kids are sporting. Anybody recognize the teacher? Bueller? Bueller?
"Hey now kids come gather 'round, See what just skipped into town!"
Ah, Skip-it. Every little girl of my generation's favorite recess pastime... assuming anybody was actually willing to lug the damn thing to and from school.
As the commercial says, "the very best thing of all is the counter on the ball". That's probably the only real incentive for buying a Skip-it... that and the pretty colors. Now that I'm older, I realize just how big of a rip-off this toy is. If I ever have kids, I think I'll just spring for a jump rope instead.
Believe it or not, there was actually a time when the USA network showed something besides Law and Order reruns. Once upon a time, there was a block known as Cartoon Express. I spent many Sunday mornings watching old Hanna-Barbera cartoons (though I usually ignored the weekday afternoon block). Cartoon Express produced possibly some of the best bumpers ever.
Here's a bumper featuring Slimer from The Real Ghostbusters:
Here's one featuring a bunch of Hanna-Barbera characters:
Milk: it does a body good. This slogan signifies a simpler time, before the flashy celebrity endorsed "Got milk?" ads prevailed.
The milk ads in the late 80s are notorious and were oft-parodied back in the day. The standard formula: some pipsqueak is shunned by a bigger kid, then proceeds to go off on a tangent about how drinking milk is going to magically transform them into an Adonis. Milk might do a body good, but it sure gave these kids delusions of grandeur. And turned them into real assholes.
The brat in this video takes the cake. She's wearing what appears to be a wedding dress and screeching at her older brother, who joked that two of her could fit in it. Jeez, overreact much? Someone must have slipped some steroids into her drink, because she practically speaks in a baritone by the time she grows up.
This next one aired in the early 90s. I used to really dig the song. How sad is it that I can still sing it word for word?
